From the top

We’ve all seen them. The endless lists. Lists of what to do, say, bring to or not say, do to or bring to pregnant or new moms. Articles espousing one way or another of prepping, parenting or existing. If that’s what you’re looking for, you may be sorely unfulfilled while perusing these pages.

I wouldn’t have sanely escaped my recent pregnancy without at least witnessing some of the online anecdotes and hearing from strangers about their birth stories or parenting philosophies, and I was just as entertained by the “what not to say to pregnant women” lists as the next person. But, I also felt both condemned and divided when reading the lists and articles. Heck yes I was irked when people said certain things to me when I was pregnant, but did they mean it maliciously? No. They were all, in some way, trying to relate to my situation… a situation I was wearing much more pronounced than any other in my history. 

As I relayed a particularly horrifying over-sharing experience with a friend, she said she often heard people feel pregnant women are somehow “public property.” This, she said, is why people rub strangers bellies and make intrusive comments they might not ever make otherwise. I mean, think about it, one earns a degree… a stranger doesn’t see that… someone just nailed his/her most important business presentation to date… a stranger can’t see that… or someone graduated months of physical therapy after a terrible car accident… a stranger can’t always see that. But… a pregnant belly is a tell tale sign that can be seen from afar. It’s the easiest time in one’s life for strangers to see what miraculous thing a soon-to-be mom is accomplishing before their eyes. Furthermore, for those who’ve gone through the experience themselves, they are happy to welcome the newbie to the tribe.

It’s rather impossible to know everyone’s intentions, but it’s a heck of a lot easier to look back and think they meant well than it was to necessarily understand them at the time.

Whatever the case, I plan to do my best not to condemn or divide, but to anecdotally explore the options available to me throughout my parenting journey… and share then here.